As I was laying in my bed the other night, I began scrolling through Instagram. Unforeseen tears started slowly rolling down my cheeks and lip, and into the abyss of nothingness. The tears did not present themselves with an explanation, or cause; they only showed up, uninvited. I began to ponder and wonder why such a thing was happening and at the same time, the feeling of shame and guilt at my emotions were plastered all around me. And that is when it all hit me; I was in the midst of a faint and familiar feeling- a feeling of jealousness, and my sense of security that has yet to show through was ever fleeting.
I found my false sense of identity that had been built up became tested and found myself questioning everything, and mightily close to reckless abandon of what I had created.
I found myself in the middle of aching for something real, longing for something authentic and not for show, and became utterly lost and dazed beyond recognition.
But, that is when the Lord spoke to me. He gave me the following verse. It reads
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
- 1 Samuel 16:7
Our greatest pitfall in today's society is our false sense of identity- rooted all in the name of numbers and "who is the most put-together?" If we want our "true," whatever that may be, self back, then we have to be vulnerable and open. And that is what I am attempting to do.